I hate feelings so much that at one point I had pretty much killed them all entirely...a sort of emotional suicide I s'pose. Well now I got 'em and I'm trying to live with them and trying to learn from them and all of that Oprah bullshit that people do when they are "healing" and "growing." Sort of going through a sort of breakup. Not sure what is going to happen and it scares the living you-know-what outta me. I have never not had a boyfriend. (talk about a DOUBLE negative ((grammar joke)))
My gentlemen lover and I are giving each other 48 hours of space. That is 48 hours of no contact. I know it doesn't sound like long, but in two and a half years I have never gone longer than 12 hours without talking to this man, probably not even 12. So I've about about 30 more to go and I just feel terrible.
Things I need to do today:
- Do dishes
-vacuum
-stop messing around on the internet
-do homework
-go to class
- go to gym?
It's during times like these that I don't take care of myself. Didn't go the gym for the past threeish days (I've been walking the dog and biking to class though...that counts....right?) I skipped all of my classes one day and my apartment looks like a crack house... I do not want my life to fall down the toilet because of this, I feel like things are getting out of control and I want to get a handle on them today. I went to an NA meeting yesterday and that was helpful, I have been keeping in contact with the friends I consider to be the closest and most comforting.
This sucks.
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